Children & Attachment
Children's Attachment Counselling
When separations and reunions with your child feel harder than they should, attachment is something you can rebuild, not a verdict on your parenting.
When your child struggles to feel safe and secure with you
What attachment difficulties can look like
Attachment is the part of the parent-child relationship that makes a child feel safe, secure, and protected, and it shows up most clearly around separation and reunion. Some children protest separation but reconnect easily when a parent returns. Others appear independent and unconcerned when a parent leaves, only to avoid or resist them on return. Some children are clingy and afraid during separation, then pull away when comfort is offered. Still others react unpredictably, sometimes anxious and sometimes avoidant. Underneath each pattern is a child’s internalized sense of whether their relationship with a parent feels reliable.
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How attachment-focused therapy helps
Attachment-focused work centers on building the parent’s consistent emotional availability (being present, warm, responsive, supportive, and encouraging) because that availability is what helps a child learn to manage emotions and form healthy relationships. Therapy helps parents understand their child’s particular attachment pattern and build the “good enough” parenting that supports secure attachment, without requiring perfection.
Building a stronger bond is reason enough
If your child seems to struggle with separations, reunions, or forming close relationships, or you simply want to build a stronger bond, that’s reason enough to reach out.
You might recognize some of this
You can start where you are.
- Protesting or crying at separation but struggling to reconnect on return
- Appearing independent or unconcerned when a parent leaves, then avoiding them on return
- Clinginess and agitation around separation, followed by resisting comfort when reunited
- Unpredictable reactions to separation and reunion, sometimes both anxious and avoidant
- Difficulty managing emotions and behaviour day to day
- Trouble establishing or maintaining positive relationships
This is a description of experiences, not a self-diagnosis checklist.
It may be time to talk to someone
You don't need to be in crisis to deserve support.
Consider reaching out if:
- Your child reacts intensely or unpredictably to separations from you
- Your child seems to avoid or resist you after time apart
- You're unsure how to be consistently emotionally available for your child
- Your child struggles to manage emotions or form relationships with others
- You want support building a stronger bond with your child
You don't have to be an outstanding parent to ask for help: "good enough" is the goal.
Approaches a therapist may draw on
We match the approach to you, not the other way around. Your therapist may draw on one or several, depending on what fits.
Build the steady connection that helps a child feel safe.
Works directly with the parent-child relationship to build the consistent emotional availability that helps a child feel safe, secure, and connected.
Therapists who work this way: Attachment TherapySupport the family environment secure attachment needs.
Looks at the wider family patterns around the child to support the kind of environment secure attachment needs.
Therapists who work this way: Family Systems TherapyA therapist who fits your situation
Our registered therapists have real experience helping people through what you are facing.
Dr. Cathryn Harris
Registered Psychologist
PhD, C.Psych.
Couples, Families, Individuals
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Cathy Penny
Registered Social Worker
BA, BSW, MSW, RRP, RSW
Couples, Families, Individuals
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Rev. Chad Tomlinson
Registered Psychotherapist
MTS, MEd, MA, OCT, RP
Couples, Families, Individuals
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Dan Watterworth
Registered Psychotherapist
BTh, MDiv, RP
Couples, Families, Individuals
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Gretchen Savery
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
MA, BA, RP (Qualifying)
Families, Individuals
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Michelle Hodgson
Registered Social Worker
SSW, BA, BSW, MSW, RSW
Couples, Families, Individuals
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Michelle Pennells
Counsellor and Art Therapist
HBA, DTATI (Thesis Pending)
Families, Individuals
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Veesta Mavandadi
Registered Psychological Associate
MA, BSc, C.Psych.Assoc.
Individuals, Families
View profileCommon questions
Attachment is the part of the relationship between parent and child that makes the child feel safe, secure, and protected. It's really about availability: when a parent is consistently present, warm, responsive, supportive, and encouraging, a child tends to manage emotions and relationships well.
Based on research by Mary Ainsworth, children tend to fall into four attachment styles: securely attached (able to reconnect and tolerate feelings after separation), avoidant (appears independent but avoids parents on reunion), ambivalent (clingy and agitated, then resists comfort), and disorganized (unpredictable, sometimes both anxious and avoidant).
No. Parents don't have to be outstanding at emotional availability: "good enough" parenting, where a parent is generally present and responsive, goes a long way toward healthy child development.
Attachment theory is foundational to understanding child development and future relationships. A child's internalized model of their relationship with a parent, whether it feels reliable or inconsistent, shapes how they relate to others going forward.
Yes. Programs and counselling can help parents and children build stronger emotional bonds and work through attachment difficulties together.
Care you can lean on
Sessions with our registered therapists are covered by most extended health and workplace benefit plans. Not sure what yours includes? We're happy to help you check before you book.
Sessions typically start at $150 and vary by therapist. Not sure where to begin? Our Intake Specialists can talk through fees, coverage, and which therapist fits what you are facing. Call (905) 319-1488 during business hours.
Ready when you are. We're here to listen.
Browse our registered therapists and reach out when you're ready. We'll usually reply within one business day.