Helping Children Cope with Divorce: Emotional Support Strategies for Parents
Learn practical ways to help children cope with divorce, including managing emotions, reducing conflict, and knowing when to seek professional counselling in Ontario.
Helping Children Cope with Divorce: Emotional Support Strategies for Parents
Children feel the anxiety, stress, and pressures of separation and divorce just as their parents do. Their world is changing, and how they envisioned their family life is going to be altered, forever. Helping children cope with divorce involves recognizing their emotional reactions, maintaining stability, and providing reassurance. How your child reacts is largely based upon their age, relationship with both parents, and the reason for the separation and divorce.
Common Emotions Children Experience After Divorce
Some of the more common emotions your child can experience include anger, hurt, rage, sadness, worry, and frustration. They might also feel like they are the cause for the divorce and blame themselves, which can lead to depression. It is vital parents remember their children need help through this difficult time and should not be ignored.
How to Support Your Child Through Divorce
In addition, parents need to minimalize disruptions in the household, as best as they can. It is never a good idea to argue in front of your children, as they will feel like they are being placed in the middle of the fight and have to choose one parent over the other. Keep heated discussions and arguments for times when the children are away from the home or you are able to speak privately with the other parent, where the children will not be able to hear.
Avoid blaming the other spouse for problems in front of the children. Even though you might feel like they are to blame for the divorce, it is better to air these feelings during private therapy sessions at a qualified counselling centre. Adults do need support to get through their divorce, but should never seek this support from their children. Rather, both parents should remain active and involved in their children’s lives, while setting all divorce issues and concerns aside.
Do not put off telling your children you are getting divorced. If you say nothing, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, mom and dad are living apart, the child will feel they are to blame for their parent’s divorce. Reinforce the reasons for the divorce have nothing to do with them, and that BOTH parents equally love them, and will continue to be there for them, even though they will no longer be living together under the same roof.
In addition, be prepared to answer questions your children might have, like living arrangements, visitation, activities, vacations, and so on. Even if you do not have an answer for a particular question, let them know you do not know, but you and their other parent will discuss it and give them an answer later.
When to Seek Professional Help for Your Child
If you notice your child’s behaviour starts to change, after informing them of the divorce or at any time during or afterwards, it could be beneficial for them to speak to a therapist about their feelings and concerns. Professional counselling can provide a safe space for children to process divorce-related emotions. For more on managing conflict in adult relationships, see our article on negative interactional patterns in couples. If you are navigating your own feelings about the separation, individual therapy can also help—learn more about rebuilding trust after infidelity.
Please feel free to contact Bayridge Counselling Centre at 905-319-1488 for help and the support you and your children need during divorce.
