Made You Mad!

After a tiring day of work, you find yourself hesitating to open the car door. You stare at your front door, frozen, and think ‘What happened?’ What happened to the joy we felt when we found this house that was going to be our home? We were so excited! And now you allow yourself to acknowledge, perhaps for the first time, that you have no want or desire to walk through that door. What happened?

Life is hard,
but never so hard as when your marriage or partnership is hurting.

All couples hurt! Yes, I said ALL!

What is the difference between couples that hurt but are fulfilled in their marriage and those who are chronically unhappy? The successful couples have learned to do certain things well. Really well!

Hurting marriages and relationships can be restored to health. We have worked with thousands of couples over the last twenty-five years. If we could take a video camera into their homes, you would hear the stories of how they learned to create peace through learning effective communication and problem-solving skills. They would tell you amazing stories of loss, betrayal, and pain, but also stories of insight, forgiveness, and hope.

Perhaps the most important thing they would say to you is that you, too, can improve your relationship, and that when your marital relationship is strong, the hard challenges of life are so much easier. You too can learn to focus and work on essential relationship skills.

View More

Ask a
Therapist

Here are some of the most frequently asked questions that we receive. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.

  • Conflict Resolution
  • Trust
  • Intimacy and Sex
  • Loneliness
  • Money
  • Power Struggles
  • In-laws
  • Betrayal
  • Value Differences
  • Anxiety and Depression
  • Children
  • Meaning and Purpose
  • Mutual Growth

Breaking up is a very difficult, disruptive and expensive decision. For most couples it is the last resort. In order to solve problems, you need to acknowledge them, address them and solve them. This is not rocket science! It is called being an adult! However, perhaps being an adult is not as common as we all would like to admit.

If you have not had success solving issues – ask for help!

Put your big girl/boy pants on and be responsible. Fight for your marriage.

We fix relationship problems with effective communication, skill development and understanding. I personally believe that most people already have a good number of the tools necessary to solve the majority of their problems. Unfortunately, those same people have not been taught or mentored on how to use those tools safely and effectively. This is where a therapist comes in, to coach and assist couples to learn skills necessary to develop mutually satisfying relationships

We build trust in relationships by having character and integrity. We do what we say we will do. We keep our promises. When we mess up (and we all mess up) we own our crap (without excuses and blame). We are faithful in the little things. We do not forget what is important to our partner. We do not avoid issues, but we proactively raise them with the spirit of humility, compassion and hope in order to protect what is precious- the love the two of us share.

One of the first signs that your relationship is over is the absence of sex. The lack of physical expression of love is usually the first sign of a relationship in trouble. For most people it is incongruent to have sex with someone and no longer love or be attracted to them. Secondly, no longer are there emotional investments into the relationship. Actually, there is the opposite – emotional distance and resistance for connection. Addictive behaviours may also fill the gap in one or both partners’ lives. Whether it is substances, like drugs, alcohol or food, or through activities like work, shopping or golf. All addictions endeavor to lift mood when needs are unmet.

When a person looks elsewhere for love and intimacy it may be one of the signs that your relationship is over. Certainly, a serious flag is raised if they do not want to work on the relationship. Online therapy maybe the first step to turning your relational ship around.

Solid marriages are strong because they have faced and overcome difficulties. It is in the solving of issues that we begin to have a confidence in the relationship. Individuals in strong marriages understand that they must take turns from time to time in being the strong.

Be creative, adventurous and proactive! Work and play together!

You know you are in an unhappy marriage when you are no longer spending time together. You find yourselves in different rooms watching TV, or have separate vacations, few mutual friends, or you have very few shared interests. You no longer laugh or play together. Certainly you may know that you are in an unhappy marriage when either one of you seems stuck more in resentment and contempt than in gratefulness and admiration.

Partnerships are about sharing of power and responsibility. Responsibility is seldom an issue if a person feels both competent and has the power to influence and act.

If your partner wants out of the relationship you should try to listen in order to understand why they are unfulfilled. If you are able and willing to make some changes, those changes may alter their position. The good news is that it takes very few shifts within a dying relationship to start a beating heart again. Seek help as soon as you can! Don’t lose hope!

Outstanding
Therapists & Mental
Health Specialists

Experience Matters:

  • We’ve supported 35,000+ individuals.
  • We have completed over 300,000 sessions to date.
  • We have a countrywide network of therapists.

Marriage and
Partnership

“For years my husband and I were trying to connect on two different wave lengths. After talking to Jim at Bayridge we both have learned to respond empathetically to one another. We still are very different people, but we now connect in our differences instead of emotionally disconnecting.”