Are You Sometimes Lonely? Understanding Loneliness and Finding Support

In this article

Loneliness is a state characterized by a depressing feeling of being alone, and it is far more common than most people admit. It is not simply about being physically alone — loneliness can be present in crowded rooms, within marriages, and among large families. At Bayridge Counselling Centres, our regulated health professionals across Ontario help clients understand and address the emotional impact of loneliness through compassionate, professional support.

She doesn’t burst in, nor does she prance in… she slips in unaware,… unannounced. Therapy for emotional well-being can help you understand and address the emotional impact of loneliness. It is not that she is a stranger. She has made her presence known before. And no matter how often she visits, and no matter how long she stays, her presence casts a dark shadow across the soul that dampens even the most crowded room.

I am surprised when some say they have never met her. Yet you know they are telling the truth, when they finally describe their first encounter with her.

How Loneliness Develops

Others have known her since childhood, usually meeting her through a detached or chaotic family. She can interrupt the most interactive of conversations or the most toxic of conflict. It is here that she seeps under the slammed door to introduce herself in an intimate way.

Her presence is painful! Her silence is deafening. She can suck one’s breath right out of your chest.

She is as cold as a hollow echo that returns from the call of a lost soul crying for help. The only reverberation that is heard is the echo that reflects off the surface of the lonely heart.

Loneliness is her name! Disconnection is her game!

Where Loneliness Shows Up

She is found in countless marriages, within large families, within grueling work environments, in emotionally stagnant relationships and within congregations and synagogues alike. Couples counselling can address the isolation felt in relationships. She visits the widow, the orphan, the wealthy and the famous.

She usually stands in the distant shadows and refuses to make direct eye contact. But you know she is there.

Her very presence at times mocks you with taunting whispers, “No one cares about you, and no one knows that you hurt.” Grief counselling can help you process and heal from feelings of isolation and emotional pain. Or “they only say they care, because that is their job, or what they are hired to do.”

Signs You Might Be Struggling with Loneliness

Loneliness is a frequent flyer. She visits your life and she visits mine. Online counselling offers an accessible way to confront loneliness from the comfort of your home. For many, the challenge is not just loneliness but feeling ashamed for feeling lonely. Expressing loneliness exposes the vacuum in one’s life. Since none are perfect, we all have some empty spaces.

It is sad, but we commonly confuse loneliness with a defected heart or a defected person. To feel lonely can wrongly suggest that something is wrong with you. To be lonely means you have nothing to offer; you need a life. It might suggest you are selfish, or uncaring, uninteresting or have nothing to offer others.

Why do few ever admit they are lonely? Some people drug themselves in order not to feel this callous lady. They would rather work twelve-hour days than encounter her comings and goings. They distract themselves with food, television, and computers just so they will not have to eyeball her icy stare.

Are you lonely? Have you ever felt loneliness? Do you ever feel ashamed of admitting it? Do you think you are unique? Shame always hides! Are you hiding? Do you have the courage to admit it without shame?

Loneliness Is a Universal Human Experience

Loneliness is a state characterized by a depressing feeling of being alone. Therapy for depression can help alleviate the emotional pain that comes with loneliness. Thomas Wolfe in his The Anatomy of Loneliness, that appeared in the Oct 1941 issue of American Mercury, wrote, “The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness far from being a rare and curious phenomenon peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.”

Knowing that loneliness is universal is a rather minor consolation during periods of loneliness. Often, loneliness becomes so powerful that nothing else matters in one’s day and one’s feelings. At Bayridge Counselling Centres, we understand how overwhelming these emotions can be, and we’re here to help you navigate through them with compassionate, professional support.